Finding my why again.
Back in the day, in 2014 when I first fell in love with photography, it was more about finding an outlet for me to escape. The way to escape the daily grind of life, the responsibilities that came with being an adult and so on. I would pick up my camera to take photos of anything and everything around me that felt “pretty” that I could connect with and be so proud of myself. I knew how to look for that spark, that joy that came out of perhaps looking at a fallen leaf on the roadside during fall in a new light; or finding the colors of the sunset on an evening stroll. I picked up my camera daily to document my everyday; even when I had a full-time job. I was photographing my newborn, her first giggles, my oldest one’s toothless smiles, him learning to bike, all of that; that had meaning in what I was doing.
I had a full time job and I would be like" “I cannot wait to get home and photograph something beautiful this evening.” That desire to learn everything; not to be the best - but to simply learn to see things around me that were ordinary in a new light was what kept my love for photography going. I even wrote a course about it! - THE IMPERFECTIONIST.
Today as I write this, I am trying to think what happened to that spark that made me feel lit up every single day? Sure, I got into business; taught courses on the stage as well as online, but why do I never run to pick up my camera like I used to? In between sending a pitch to prospective clients, updating my website, coordinating test shoots, researching which clients I should reach out to next, networking and attending events to learn who’s who in a new city, paying money for portfolio reviews with producers, creative directors and hiring team for ad agencies, - it all feels a little too much. Sure; I still get emails from marketing agencies and I have no idea where they found me, but it just feels like a constant hustle with no stopping point. I am online more than I want to, on my phone more than I want to - but it all is worth it is what I read on Linkedin.
I do absolutely 100% LOVE what I do. I am a full time freelance commercial photographer as of 2025 and going into 2026 and live in San Diego now. But there is this emptiness in me that feels like something is missing. A voice (Debbie downer) at the back of my head constantly saying, “What have you achieved this year? Did you meet all your goals?” to which I am struggling to coherently answer. Well, I did move to a new city this year and establishing myself in a new city hasn’t been that easy as I expected it to be. Sure; I worked on incredible projects and cannot wait to see my work in print at the WFF this coming January, but it doesn’t feel like home quite yet.
Maybe what I need is a new challenge. A project that keeps me on my toes. A community driven project. Food stories is there and I have been working on my outreach; but perhaps a challenge that takes me back to my why. Why did I decided to quit my job and pursue photography fulltime? It certainly wasn’t for the money. Then what was it for? To find beauty and love in everything around me.
Starting January 2026 I would love to do a monthly challenge - Portraits, products, light based, self portraits - it can be anything! Are you interested in joining me? Message me on Instagram HERE and let’s get started.
Some photos to remind me of my why from the past 7-8 years.
